Content note: self harm
I asked for advice on a forum about how to deal with an abusive living situation and it seemed like the people who responded blamed me for it. It seemed like they were ganging up on me. I got so upset that I stabbed myself. I was even more upset that I stabbed myself cuz it’s a setback in my recovery from mental illness. I then sent several sad, anxious, increasingly paranoid messages to a friend about the whole thing and am worried that she won’t wanna deal with me anymore.
I don’t think that I can deal with going back to that website. I’m disappointed that it didn’t work out, cuz I got some good encouragement from people before today’s incident. I’ll look for other forums to post on. I hope I find at least one that’s a good fit for me. I haven’t had good luck with forums lately, so I’ll talk to my therapist before trying anymore.
I’m trying to get myself back on track. Here are some things that I’ve done or will do:
- I scheduled an im session with another friend that we’ll have in a couple of days. Even if my friendship with Kellie doesn’t survive, I still have Clare, and can do better with her and friends that I make in the future. The chat session gives me something to look forward to.
- I sent a final message to Kellie to apologize, say I won’t send more messages unless I hear from her, and promise not to send a bunch of emotional messages all at once again. It’s up to her if she’ll accept that. It’s out of my hands now and all I can do now is distract myself.
- I’ll take a PRN for anxiety.
- I’ll work on compiling a list of 100 songs that I like and do some more research about psychology.
- I’ll limit myself to checking Facebook once a day while I’m waiting for a reply from Kellie to keep myself from getting too obsessive about the situation.