Category: Personal

Stressed About Buying a Bed

I’m confused about buying a bed. It has multiple parts. I’m so stressed about whether I can do this that I can’t even read the descriptions of these things online. They may as well be written in another language. My parents are confused about how to buy a bed, too, so it’s hard for them to help me. They also have mental health issues that can confuse them.

A while ago, my therapist mentioned that peer counselors can help with life skills. I hope that a peer counselor would consider this a life skill that they could help me with. Tomorrow, I’ll call my therapy place and ask them if a peer counselor can help me with this. If so, I’ll make an appointment. I hope that this person can explain to me in simple language the different parts of a bed, how to order them, and how to set them up when they arrive.

I’m worried that I’ll never get a bed, so I’ll never have good quality sleep, and I’ll never be able to have a romantic relationship. I have been craving physical intimacy, among other things. I’m having such horrible anxiety about if I’ll be able to do this that I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight 😦 I’ve vented on here before about my problems with oversleeping, but sometimes I swing too far in the opposite direction.

Setting up my apartment and maintaining it in general has been very stressful for me, as a late bloomer starting to learn basic life skills due to mental health issues, etc. at age 23. I really want to make it work living independently. I hope this works out.


I Successfully Went to Walmart and Back on the Bus By Myself

The last time I went to Walmart, my dad took me there in his car. I bought a rolling cart while I was there so that I could shop on my own on the bus. A few weeks passed before I finally went to Walmart today. I cycled through going hungry, wasting a bunch of money on eating out, or eating gross food (i.e, watery pot pies) from the convenience store within walking distance.

Today, I went to Walmart and got some food that I like. I bought mostly really simple stuff, like hot dogs. I hope that next time and beyond, I can go even further, researching recipes and buying food that I can take time to prepare at home. I don’t think I’ll ever cook for every single meal, though, because there are some things that I like that just don’t need to be cooked, such as lunch meat sandwiches. I’d like to mix it up between cooking and not cooking.

I made some mistakes, such as forgetting to buy mustard and mayonnaise to go on my lunch meat sandwiches. From now on, I’ll shop with a list.

I also put money on my credit card at their money center, which was a relief, since I didn’t have much money on it for weeks. Aside from food, I mostly buy stuff online, so that sucked.

I was worried that there wouldn’t be room on the bus for my cart, or that if there was, people would get angry with me for taking up more space. There turned out to be room for my cart after all, and nobody said anything about it.

Going to Walmart and back today has made me more confident that I’ll be able to handle living on my own in my apartment and won’t have to go back to assisted living. I’m optimistic that I’ll be able to build on these life skills over time.

I’ll Stick With the Mental Health Clubhouse

Earlier, I posted about how I wasn’t sure if I could stay at the clubhouse because I got the impression that someone was impatient with me. Some people on a forum and a commenter here encouraged me to stick with it. The people on the forum said that dealing with people who give discouraging responses is a good life skill to have and  that I need to build resilience. I’ll keep going, and I’ll work on those skills.

My Experience at the Mental Health Clubhouse, Plus Other Problems

I went to the orientation at the mental health clubhouse. I got the impression that one of the staff members was irritated with me, and I had trouble using the computer for my tasks, so I got too anxious to continue. I said, “I’m not feeling well, so I’d better go. I’m sorry.” I’m not sure if I can do this.

If I can’t do the Evergreen Club, the volunteer coordinator at the First Call for Help hotline won’t give me the position, so I’d lose two things in one.

To make things worse, there have been a lot of complications with getting my internet modem, and I’ve dealt with some really harsh customer service people. They’re also telling me contradictory things, which is confusing and stressful. I really needed my therapy appointment today, but I took a different bus than usual because I was coming from my mom’s place and missed my stop by accident. Now my therapist is unhappy with me, too. I have a lot of problems piling up on me, and I’m not keeping it together very well. It feels like a ton of people have turned against me.

DVR and the Mental Health Clubhouse

I had a DVR appointment that would’ve been a few days ago, but I missed it because I had trouble getting out of bed. That was the second time that I tried to go and didn’t get out of bed in time, so I’m not going to try making another appointment, because I think my bridge with them is burned. I feel really bad about flaking out. I value being dependable.

I made it to the interview at the mental health clubhouse, though. The staff member decided to let me into the club. I was going to go to an orientation on Thursday, but I called to reschedule because I had trouble getting out of bed again. I feel really bad about that, too. I rescheduled for tomorrow. It’s currently early evening, and I’m already tempted to reschedule thinking about how overwhelmed I am with needing to go grocery shopping, catch up on chores and errands, and start buying more stuff for my apartment, such as a sofa. I don’t want to burn another bridge, though, so I’ll adult up and go.

I’m worried that depression has ruined my life for good. I feel like I’ll be behind with an avalanche of things that I need to catch up on for the rest of my life. I wish I had waited to try getting involved with DVR and the clubhouse. If I managed to get catch up, it would’ve been easier. Losing DVR and trying to start at the clubhouse at the same time I catch up with the every day stuff I’m behind on is really hard.

Leveling Up My Cooking Skills

Until recently when I moved into my new apartment, I lived in places with either broken stoves/ovens or with none. Living in places with crappy conditions aggravated my vulnerability to mental health issues. Due to lack of kitchen facilities and my mental health issues, I got way behind in life skills, including cooking skills.

My mom got an apartment with nice conditions before I got mine. She would occasionally let me cook boxed macaroni and cheese there. Even that was hard for me. She asked her caregiver, Mary, to help me once. Mary told me that I needed to cook the noodles longer because they would get plumper.

Today, I cooked chicken breast to use later in chicken salad sandwiches on crackers. I put some chunks of chicken breast on a cooking sheet and put it in the oven for half an hour at 400 degrees. It came out looking great with a nice texture. It was soft enough to easily cut into even smaller chunks to make sure they’ll fit on the crackers. I mixed the chicken in with some other ingredients and am waiting for the mixture to chill now so that I can have cold mini sandwiches.

I’m excited to learn cooking skills because they’ll help me take better care of myself. I’m starting to feel more competent and independent. Another puzzle piece of my recovery has been fitted into place.

Update: Volunteer Job

The volunteer coordinator from the mental health hotline emailed my therapist to say that he was impressed at our meeting and looks forward to future conversations with me. That surprised me, since he told me he wants me to work on some things before volunteering there.

I find his email encouraging and am even more determined to get that position. My therapist referred me to a clubhouse for people with mental illness where I can practice my social skills and simple tasks. After a few months of doing that, she’s willing to help me get into the peer counseling training program. I look forward to it.