My therapist recommended that I learn how to drive. I’m not sure whether I want to or not, or even if I can. She believes that I’m smart enough to drive and that I can work through my anxiety. I’m not as confident that I can process all of the necessary information while driving. My driving society is so severe that I’m not sure if I’ll ever find the courage to try.
I’m afraid that if I drive, I’ll get in an accident, hurting or killing myself or someone else. Less urgently, I’m also worried about damaging my car or someone else’s. Also, my dad said that if I get in an accident, I can go to jail.
Since I’m currently on disability, I’m not sure if I could afford to drive.
Even if I could drive, I’m not sure if I’d want to spend the money and effort on it that could go to other things. For example, maybe if I drive, I’d have less energy for my writing.
Driving is a huge responsibility. Someone on Reddit said that they once had to pay $1200 for a repair. Even if I manage to work on the car myself, buying parts could still be expensive. I’m not completely against sudden, major expenses…I love animals enough that I’m willing to get a cat and risk having vet expenses. I’m not sure if I could muster enough of a positive attitude about driving to be willing to deal with expenses like that for a car.
There are other risks that I’m more confident about taking, such as going to college, than I am about learning to drive. I’m not 100% certain that I’ll be able to get through college and get a therapist job, but I have enough confidence that I’m willing to take some small steps towards those goals, such as doing a college prep program. I’m a lot more conflicted about learning to drive.
Other forms of transportation come with their own stresses. The bus service in my city tends to be worse on evenings and weekends. Buses can get very crowded. Although I’m a friendly person, I find it uncomfortable when we’re packed tightly together. If I have to stand, I worry about being in the way. I just got a rolling cart to take groceries home on the bus, but I worry that people will resent me for taking up more space with my cart. I’m so anxious about it that I’m considering walking two miles to the store and back or arranging for a taxi to take me home every week. Taxis have more breathing room and are more convenient, but they’re expensive.
I’m thinking about learning to bike as a compromise. If I have a bike, I won’t be restricted to the limited bus schedule, I won’t have to pay a fee, and I won’t have as big of a responsibility as I would with a car. There may be repair costs, but they probably won’t be as expensive as car repairs. I’ll do some research on biking. Maybe I could get a bike trailer for groceries. It would be nice to at least somewhat increase my options for transportation.