At my last session with my therapist, I mentioned that I had read about personality in the book Psychology for Dummies. She had me take an online personality test to build on that. One thing that my results said was that I’m altruistic. She said, “If things in your life were different, you’d be out there saving the world right now.”
What she said makes me wonder if I’m not doing enough to help others. I thought that blogging was a good way to help others, but maybe it doesn’t have enough of an impact. I’ve wanted to do more even since before she said what she did. Some ideas that I’ve had include joining the care team at my church, doing volunteer work, or running a support group. Also, when I’m ready, I’d like to go back to school to become a therapist.
I talked to my mommy about what my therapist said. My mommy said that there’s no way to know if that’s true. She said that even if my life had gone better, I might still have had to take a break from school/working cuz of a genetic predisposition to mental illness. Her theory makes sense to me.
However, I also think that I might’ve been able to do more by now if things had gone differently, like my therapist said. For example, if my daddy had treated me better, I would’ve had a lot less stress in my life. His constant, heatedly expressed anger was one of the contributing factors that lead to my mental breakdown towards the end of my first attempt at college.
I’m sad for myself and the other people that I would’ve helped by now that I haven’t done more.
One thing that just came to mind, though, is that, bit by bit, I’m laying a foundation for helping others in the future. Even if nobody finds Oasis Charm helpful, this blog has been good for my mental health by giving me a place to process my thoughts, feelings, and the lessons I’ve been learning, which will put me in a better position to help others. I’ve been doing a lot of research about mental health, and psychology in general, which I can apply to my career when I become a therapist. I’m not doing much now, but I think the time will come when there will be more depth to my contributions. A good analogy would me a Pokemon like Bulbasaur doing a Solar Beam attack, first gathering energy from the sun before unleashing a powerful blast. I’ve had major setbacks, such as not being able to start understanding basic social skills till recently (a few years into adulthood), but I’ve decided to have compassion for myself instead of beating myself up about it.
Now I’m trying to use my empathy skill. I have a long history with my therapist of her supporting me. I don’t think that intended for me to feel bad about myself when she made that comment. She may actually have been trying to reassure me that it’s not my fault that I haven’t done more to help others. Yes, I prefer the positive interpretation. It’s kinder both to her and to myself.
Writing this article has helped me process how I feel about her comment and how I’ll incorporate into how I see myself. I feel better now.