People raved about online dating on a couple of sites that I really trust, Ask Metafilter and Captain Awkward. Five years ago, at age 18, I was excited to try it.
I found OkCupid too confusing to use towards the end of my time there. I couldn’t see who liked my profile or messaged me anymore. I tried following the help instructions and still had no luck.
I also tried Craigslist, Plenty of Fish, and Match. People on Craigslist sent mean emails about my weight. They told me that they were flagging their ads because they didn’t want to see fat people on the site. They were very persistent about booting me off of the personals section.
All of the dating sites I’ve tried share the problem of people writing very sparse, vague profiles. For example, people wrote, “I love to laugh,” “I like to watch movies,” or “I’m looking for someone adventurous.” Their descriptions sounded alike. I had no idea from reading these profiles how these people thought or what it would be like to spend time with them or anything like that.
Very rarely, I’d have a brief relationship with someone I met online. I think all of these relationships fell apart partly because of my poor social skills, and partly because they had no respect for me.
I didn’t just want to date. I wanted to make friends, too. The only site I could find for talking to people as friends was the platonic section of Craigslist. One person I met wanted to start a business with me without a business licence, another associated with people in a violent gang, and so on, so nothing worked out. If there were more sites for people looking for friends, I would’ve tried them.
I’ve been trying so hard for five years to meet people online. I’ve gotten nowhere. It seems to work for other people. The person who runs Captain Awkward married someone she met online. I don’t understand why I have no luck with it. I just spent another $60 on Match the other day. I probably made a mistake doing that, since I’ve been on it for over six months and only gotten one date out of it.
Also, I hardly ever see any people near my size on these sites. I don’t care whether a romantic interest is fat or thin, but I know that other fat people are more likely to be willing to date me, so it’s discouraging to see all of these thin people. However, there are even fat people who aren’t willing to date fat people. Dating while fat sucks. Match allows me to see what body type(s) people selected (Plenty of Fish doesn’t show this) and only a small fraction of people are willing to date a fat person. It’s very intimidating to think of not only my weight, but all of the other factors working against me. I’m currently on disability, I don’t drive (I use public transportation and would not ask a romantic interest to help me get around), I’m Unitarian Universalist and Pagan (everyone seems to want an Atheist or a Christian) and so on.
Maybe it’s time to give up trying to meet people online.
My mom and therapist think that I should switch to meeting people in person. I’m not confident that I can succeed at that, either, which is why I tried meeting people online in the first place, but I’ll try..