For a while, I didn’t know who my payee is and couldn’t get a hold of the organization. I was finally able to get a hold of the organization on Monday, and my payee called me later that day. On Tuesday, I got to access my money. Social Security said they would reduce my money cuz of a benefit that I don’t get anymore. I talked to someone on the phone about it, and they said that it would be reduced for August and September, but go back to normal after that. I’m not happy about my income being reduced for two months, but at least it isn’t long term. For a while, I was so stressed out about my money that my feelings were unbearable. I’m much calmer now that these issues have been resolved. Now I need to find out if I can pay Social Security’s over-payment from when I was a child back from my back pay instead of having 10% of my check taken out every month. I’d prefer to rip the band-aid off all at once. Since I dealt with bigger issues with Social Security, I feel like although it’ll be hard, I can deal with this, too.
The payee organization I’m using is set up so that clients have a temporary payee for the first 30 days and then get switched to a long term payee. My temporary payee stopped working there last week, but they didn’t bother to let me know that. I’m not entirely sure who my current payee is, but they think it’s someone named Jerry. I tried calling Jerry yesterday. The organization promises to return calls within one business day, but he didn’t respond. I’m trying not to make a negative assumption about him, but I’m frustrated that I can’t get a hold of him. I’m upset that the organization hasn’t been proactive about communicating a change to me.
There are a lot of things I need to know, such as how often they’ll send me money, how much money they’ll send, and how they’ll deal with my rent and utilities. Social Security recently sent a letter saying that the payee got my back pay by the 16th, so I’ve apparently had money for a while, but the payee hasn’t given me any. I’m also upset about that.
There’s another issue, too. The smaller benefit I was on before Social Security has been cancelled, but Social Security thinks I’m still getting it for some reason, and they sent a letter saying that I’ll have my Social Security reduced by the amount I was getting starting in September. I found the letter saying that the benefit is cancelled, and I’ll have to use it to hopefully persuade Social Security to keep giving me the full amount.
I’m emotionally exhausted and miserable. I just wanna be able to access my money and start using it to enjoy my life. This should be a happy time for me, after a lifetime of having very little access to money, but it’s not. I’m screaming inside. I just wanna finally have financial stability.
On top of all of this, my dad is also upset, and he has been taking it out on me. The stress I’m feeling is unbearable.
After three years of waiting, I’ll finally get my Social Security payments starting on August 1st. The news is bittersweet, however, cuz for the first month or two, my payments will be reduced. Since I have barely any income right now, my dad has been paying most of the bills, and Social Security is holding that against me even though I haven’t had the money to give my dad more. We’re both angry with Social Security. They’re very harsh. The reduced payments will cause us to struggle financially during those months. Having to wait even longer to be financially comfortable after an entire lifetime of hardship is agonizing.
I find living in a group home very stressful, and I’m gonna use this blog post to vent. Content note: property damage, physical assault, intimidating behaviors, threat of physical assault, suicide attempt, rape.
I had a roommate who hit me repeatedly and broke my stuff.
I had a roommate who wouldn’t lock the door, and someone came in and stole my stuff once when I was gone.
I had a roommate who would constantly complain if I had the light on during the DAY.
I had a roommate who would constantly call me names.
My current roommate poops on the potty floor and passive-aggressively sighs at me.
A couple of residents have aggressively stared me down despite not even having interacted before.
Another resident has threatened to choke me.
There are even more traumatic things than these that have happened that I won’t go into.
The staff are constantly in and out of my room, and several of them keep leaving the door unlocked, which is a big problem when I’m gone or asleep. I’m constantly afraid that someone is gonna steal my things or my roommate’s things or attack one of us at night.
Every time something goes wrong, the staff blame me, and they’ve blasted me to multiple therapists, ruining those relationships. They even ruined my Social Security hearing, cuz they told Social Security twisted versions of events that have happened and made me look bad.
I’m constantly having mental breakdown here cuz the environment is so stressful for me. I feel like a lot of residents and staff members are hostile towards me. I hate so many people at my group home, and am furious and traumatized.
I’ve been so unhappy here that I once attempted suicide, and multiple times, I’ve tried to run away, getting myself into dangerous situations. For example, I stayed with someone for a week who ended up raping me.
On June third, I’ll be able to move in temporarily with my dad, and from there, get my own place. I’ve struggled through a few years here and have just a couple more weeks to go, but the time is passing agonizingly slowly. I’m desperately screaming inside.
This blog provides me with an outlet, and it’s something that I have control over. I’m glad to have it. I’ll use it as a distraction. I’ll do my best to keep hanging in there until I can leave.
Today, I went to my Social Security hearing. A doctor gave a testimony that I felt very uncomfortable hearing. I felt like she put words in my mouth, portrayed me in an unnecessarily harsh way, and insulted the mental health professionals who treat me.
To my surprise, the judge decided in only fifteen minutes that I qualify for SSI. A vocational expert was gonna testify, and he was gonna ask me some questions, but he decided that the doctor’s testimony was enough. According to my lawyer, hearings typically last for about 45 minutes. My dad, who is also on Social Security, said that it’s common for people to be upset by their hearings. It makes me sad that other people have a difficult time with it, too.
Although I didn’t like the doctor’s testimony, I’m happy that I’m finally gonna get SSI. It’ll help me get out of my group home, which I feel is a very stressful place to live. I’m gonna move in with my dad temporarily. While I live with him, he’ll teach me some life skills to help me get a ready for my own place. I’ll get enrolled in a program that helps people with psychiatric disabilities find a place and get integrated into the community. I look forward to getting an apartment and meeting new people through the program. I think those things will make a positive impact on my mental health, which will hopefully help me become able to support myself.