Tag: social anxiety

Never Mind About That Date

After getting rejected last weekend, I put myself back out there and tried to set up a date for Monday. At first, he said, “I’d love to!” but he ended up cancelling. He said that I’m too formal.

Earlier, he went from messaging me throughout the day every day to suddenly slowing way down. The first time he took all day to reply to a message, I didn’t say anything about it. He messaged me himself to apologize and say he thought he had answered. The second time it happened, I messaged him the next day to ask if he wanted to wait until the date to continue talking.

He said that he has trouble remembering to use the dating site and asked if we could use another app, so I added him on Facebook. He started a conversation on Facebook, and he told me that it seemed really formal of me to ask a question like that. He said that he’s used to fucking around more with people. I didn’t feel good about that. I ended our conversation a while later to have lunch. After lunch, I messaged him again to say that I felt bad about how he criticized me when I made myself vulnerable trying to find out what was going on. I said that his comment about fucking around made me feel pressured to try to be entertaining, and I wasn’t sure if I could pull it off. I added that before that, he had been very complimentary, and this was the second major change in his demeanor that I had seen already.

He replied saying that he didn’t wanna be a source of stress for me or for me to feel like I have to change. He said that he wanted to get to know me. Our conversation ended with him saying “Good vibes.”

However, he later messaged me saying that he wanted to cancel. It makes me anxious when someone changes their behavior, and I got burned really badly from trying to share my concerns with him. It has been a pattern for me to get anxious about a friendship or relationship and then for the other person to dismiss my concerns or even reject me altogether for it. I’m in so much pain. It’s hard to keep trying to build the social life I want and find a partner, but I want these things so badly that even with my difficulties weighing heavily on me, my social needs compel me to keep trying.

I’m gonna bring this up at my next therapy appointment, but I’m afraid that my therapist will think that it’s my fault that this keeps happening to me. I’m afraid of being judged. I’ll make another post about this sometime this week to share my therapist’s thoughts on the subject and how I feel about her input.

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I’m Gonna Try New Social Activities

I’m lonely, so I’m gonna try some new activities to spend some time around people. The activities I’ll try include a sci-fi/fantasy Meetup, a Unitarian church, and art sessions. I’ll also get involved in a program for people with mental illness that involves things like movies and cooking classes. I hope that eventually I’ll get to know some people well enough to hang out outside of the activities. I’m nervous about how well I’ll do at socializing, but I’ll try to stay in the moment.